Is That Me?

She stands about 2 inches tall. She has a slightly lighter complexion than me and her hair is neatly done in a chin length bob. She wears a moss green pants business suit and carries a very HOT caramel color briefcase. Oh yeah and she wears low, but classy black heels on her feet. At first glance she definitely handles her business.

So how did we meet? Well, three days per week my son is in day care. I am sure you all know the drill. You have to sign them in the morning when you drop them off and you sign them out when you pick them up. I always ask additional questions, like did he have a good day? Did he take a nap? Was he kind to his friends? So apparently, they have grown used to my inquiries and when I went to pick up my last week he was proudly carrying something, or shall I say someone in his left hand. One of his instructors approached me and said he’s been carrying her around all day. “He found her this morning,” she said. “He brought her to me and said, ‘this is my mommy’.”

She went on to say that he gave her lots of kisses, introduced her to his friends in his class and held onto her during nap time. WOW. Did he miss me terribly today? Is this how my son sees me? I immediately got teary eyed. Who knew, certainly not me. I mean for one thing the boy just doesn’t have a whole lot to say. Second, I am blessed to work from home two days per week and my mommy uniform consists of yoga pants and a tank top. That’s a far cry from my office wardrobe.

Office days are different. That’s when he sees me in my business attire. In fact, that’s how I am dressed when I wake him up. But I wasn’t aware he was paying attention. What a pleasant surprise. Who knew that a ceramic looking plastic toy could make my day? I thought a lot about the little lady, I was trying to figure out why she was even in his classroom, but I am assuming she was a prop in a make believe city.

Now, for whatever reason I didn’t pay attention to her face. So, I have no idea if she was smiling or not. I sincerely hope so, because I smile a lot. I smile, because I am so amazingly Blessed and grateful. I have an awesome family that is perfect for me. I have great careers and the flexibility to spend a lot of time with my little one’s.

My son presented me with a great gift that day. With little words, he spoke volumes on how he sees his mommy, who he thinks I am and what he thinks I look like. It was clearly one of those moments that I could never have imagined just how special it would be prior to mommy-hood.

 

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Fear

My natural demeanor is one of little fear. Not that I don’t experience it, but my mind doesn’t get stuck there. The Taurus in me, says the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach will go away with a proper plan of attack. But having children places a mountain of fear for me that’s much more complicated. It’s the unknown, the fact that no matter the plan, there’s an awful lot you can’t control with your children; when they are sick, when they misbehave or when the world simply mistreats them.

On February 26, 2012, 17 year-old Trayvon Martin was shot and killed as he walked to a family member’s home from a convenience store where he had just bought some candy. Each day more and more details about this case and the man that took his life, George Zimmerman is revealed. But the more I hear, the more petrified I become.

I am not related to Trayvon. I don’t live in Florida and I don’t know exactly what happened that night. But I do have a son. A little boy that I think is precious. A child that I believe has the world at his feet, endless possibilities and an agenda to change the world.

At just 7-months I am in awe of the simplest of his accomplishments. He can stand by himself for a whopping 5 seconds. He can wave his hand to say hello. He can even pick up a cheerio, switch hands and place it in his mouth without dropping it. I tell you the boy’s a genius.

But it’s not just what he can physically do, but it’s his power. He can make the world stop by flashing his dimples. He can make stress disappear with a hearty laugh. He can make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world with a single glance. I tell you the boy’s a magician.

In all that he is and all I know he will be, I fear for him. I don’t trust the world we live in. I fear people will hate him for his strength, his intelligence, for his being. I fear something so futile as a black stereotype can keep him from his greatness. I fear the closer he gets to receiving his God given inheritance people will judge him. They will tell him black boys don’t like to read. They will tell him black boys don’t go to college. They will tell him he’s not attractive. They will tell him he’s not worthy and when he uses his all the gifts me and his daddy have placed in his tool box to fend off the hype, they will try to find another way to dim his light.

I am afraid to raise a black man in this society. Lord, give me strength to prepare him for what he will encounter. Lord, give him strength to endure. Lord, keep him safe and free from harm and grant us your peace and mercy. In Jesus name…