The Secret

I admit I have a lot on my plate and to tell you the truth, that’s how I prefer it. An overachieving, workaholic may be a suitable title or a want-to-be superwoman may also fit. I have two babies, a husband and a house to take care of in addition to my jobs. Contrary to some of the hype, I do have a job, a few of them actually. I am a Substance Abuse Prevention Director, an adjunct English Instructor, a blogger and an entrepreneur. So the magic question has been, how do I fit it all in and the answer is simple, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff.

In the lengthy list of titles that apply to me, you won’t find, perfectionist. I removed that a long time ago. The perfectionist me would have anxiety attacks about being late. The perfectionist me wouldn’t ask my spouse to put the babies to bed. The perfectionist me would not dare go to bed with dishes in the sink and the list goes on and on. But the perfectionist me ended up with six ulcers. The perfectionist me would some time cry from pure exhaustion. Everything was a priority, which meant nothing out valued anything else.

So I made a list of what was most important to me; my marriage, my children, my health and my career. Then, I made a decision to let go of everything else. I decided I wanted to work from home to spend more time with my children. I decided I wanted to spend quality time with my husband. I decided I wanted to exercise and lose weight. And I decided I wanted to re-invent myself professionally. It was that simple.

Now with all those decisions came a whole lot of letting go. I no longer get upset if my family goes a whole week living out of laundry baskets. I no longer feel less than if I run to Sam’s Club for an already prepared chicken and bag salad for dinner versus cooking. I no longer get up in the middle of the night if I fell asleep with dishes in my sink. I no longer feel the need to prove I don’t need help raising my children and the list goes on.

Still my choices include what some would consider sacrifices. I only watch about an hour of television a day. No, House Wives of Atlanta, or Love and Hip Hop for me. I absolutely do not have lengthy telephone conversations, in fact I rarely know where my phone is, especially after 5 p.m. I choose my extracurricular activities very carefully and I am clear and upfront about my level of participation in those that make the cut.

So here are my personal sanity rules:

I do what I can, when I can.

I go to bed when I am sleepy.

I ask for help, from my husband, my momma and my friends.

I forgive myself daily for falling short and commit to do better tomorrow.

I keep lists, a grocery list, a wish list, and a got to do list.

I pray about everything.

Having said all that I also know I have not yet “arrived. “I still have a lot of things to figure out. I still haven’t figured out how to workout everyday and I still haven’t figured out girl time, or better yet “me” time. But then again, that’s what tomorrow is for, right?

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8 thoughts on “The Secret

  1. Preach!!!! This was a really good one that will relate 2 a lot of ppl including me. I’m sure all of the working moms will appreciate this post. I was there w/u till u mentioned losing track of ur phone. I’m addicted to that “Crackberry” & popping ipad apps. Maybe one day I’ll be rehabed…or not, lol.

    • I have never been one to like to be tracked. In my opinion, cell phones are evil, lol. They keep me distracted so I ditch them. I can be in full work mode, having a productive day and someone call with some juicy gossip or to catch up and BAM, I’m off my game and think about the convo well after its ended. That’s too much control. So my philosophy, just because a phone rings doesn’t mean I have to answer it…at least not right then. Dissing the phone has it’s disadvantages though, I can’t tell you how much stuff I missed, double coupons some place, warning about traffic delays or weather conditions. Sometimes I am really out of the loop, but it keeps me sane.

  2. DIANE, DIANE!!!!!! This post made me think, “Is she living in my brain, at my house?” You hit the nail on the head with the priority lists and best of all to pray first and the rest will fall into place….i still struggle with having a clean house, working multiple places, and living with 3 males…well, lets just say i too am learning little by little, to not sweat the small stuff…..Through reading, praying, and more living, i am learning that allowing Him to take care of my WHOLE life makes more sense, keeps my hair from falling out, and the guys in my life like me alot better lol……it is important that we have me time and girl time, though….i struggle with that too…but we will do ourselves and our kids justice to show them a well rounded person, who knows there is a time to work and a time to play (borrowing from Ecclesiastes)…..i promised myself long ago that i woukd not be like the women i saw in my families, enveloping all of themselves in their kids/families, that when the kids leave, they have no sense of self…..

    • Sis, you are right about letting Him take care of your whole life. I didn’t give up all this control cause I wanted to, I didn’t have a choice. I would have been bald, and on some type of anxiety medication to get through the day if I didn’t let go of some of that stuff. You end up missing so much of the great rewards life has to offer when you are caught up in the hype. So many good women our age are killing themselves trying to be perfect, for what? Yes, we want our children to be the best they can be and our homes to look like we got it all under control, but we don’t. The cover of Time magazine had former head of CIA, a female on the cover and she was talking about this very thing. How we are told we can have it all, but the reality is, we can’t, so then we have to make some tough choices and thrive and be happy at what we we do well and say oh well to the things we leave behind.

  3. I don’t care who the oldest is, you’re my big sis. From a distance (I notice you don’t return calls much :4) I watch and admire you as you inspire me. Keep being your best you, it’s working!!!

  4. Diane, having read this weeks edition of “chocolate mother” I’m reminded of the many “blessings” I have in not having any children of my own. I realized that we all have our own unique problems within our lives. One thing about it all though sister, at the end of the day we all have to call upon HIM when we can’t quite figure out what HE is trying to get us to do. Lol PS: Really enjoyed the visit!!!

    • Hey Hump, ME really loved your lap. She told me to tell you “you’re the best.” See, that’s how she gets you. lol. At the end of the day our lives work out the way He intended and we are exactly, where we are suppose to be. See you soon.

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